Putting your past behind you
Why is it, that as a 28 year old ‘grown up’ guy, I can still get choked up when I reminisce about the past?
I recently added an old boss of mine as a friend on Facebook. Now, I am not a big facebooker but I like seeing what people are up to these days. I haven’t seen this guy in 5 years or so, probably more actually. He meant a lot to me in my old work and was hugely supporting of me when I was going through some rough times. He means a lot to me and we just lost touch. When he accepted my friendship request and I looked over his profile, I got a bit funny. I realise now how much he meant to me and I never really recognised that. The worst part is that I work now about 200M from his old place. I didnt know it was his 'old place until I looked at his profile today. He is actually now in another state (Melbourne) and this upsets me a bit because I thought that I could see him at some stage and go and have a drink. We are extremely different people, for the most part, completely opposite, but I always felt a common understanding and connection with him.
This phenomena has got me thinking about how it doesnt take much for me to reminisce to the point of being depressed. When I think of how things ‘used to be’. Whether they are good, bad, ugly, regrets, whatever. I just constantly feel like I have wasted a lot and I have done and seen things that I either want to do or see again, or change somehow. I cant move on because there are so many things that I focus on that are in the past.
A few years ago, I drove past the house I grew up in. The house was sold under bad circumstances (ripped away from myself and my mum, basically and there are a LOT of good and bad – very bad, memories in that house) and I have been unable to even look at it for a long time. The sheer thought of going there fills me with panic and I get all sweaty. Its so odd as I cannot put my finger on what it is about that place that freaks me out. I just know that everything in my being is telling me to ‘STAY THE FUCK AWAY!’.
Odd.
So, how does one, seemingly grown up, guy move on and let these things go? Why, when something from my past draws my attention to it, do I just drop to a low, want to listen to 80’s music and drink myself to sleep? Ergh, they didnt teach you any of this crap in school… Not that I was there long enough to learn it anyway.
Thats my emotional rant of the day…. Actually, I’ll try to keep these to a minimum, maybe thats my rant of the month. 
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